XORROX

The waitress came to the table and asked for our order, went to the kitchen, and then some time later returned again with our meal. We enjoyed the food, asked for our check, and then I proceeded to pay the bill.

How much do I now tip her? Was she good at what she did? Well, maybe. She definitely wasn't as attentive as I would have liked her to be; she came by less often than I liked, so instead of three drinks I only ordered two, and because everything took so long, we didn't have time to order dessert.

But then again, she came to our table as many times as any other server or waiter went to any of their tables. There was nothing bad about our waitress in comparison to the others at the establishment, so maybe this is how serving was run here, and possibly for good reason, as this was a sports bar and grill, and maybe they were expected not to interrupt game watching with their constant interruptions.

So, I couldn't judge her on that. What then? It couldn't be the food because she didn't cook it, and I had no complaints. It couldn't be the way she dressed; everyone dressed the same; and it couldn't be her smile because. well, what's one smile against another anyway? Was it the sincerity of it that I tipped her on? Did she really love me or was it all just an act, using me for my money? Come on, it's her job, and let's face it, who wants to serve other people because that's just where their heart is in life.

So...I guess I had to determine now not what kind of waitress she was, but what kind of person I am. Am I a 15% chump? Or am I just frugal? Or am I a "hey, you were alright." *wink* -- *point* -- used car salesman smile, my sparkling teeth. Or was I the "I'm gonna impress this date by paying more for the meal even though she has no idea what I'm paying since I'm hiding the receipt, so as to say 'yeah, I got this. I'm such a gentleman.' kind of way."

And then it occurred to me that the real problem in all this was that I was tipping a percentage at all! Wait, so if the burger she brought over cost $15 and not $7, then I would have to pay twice as much tip on it? What made her bringing a more expensive burger merit more money in her pocket? I'm obviously not paying her for her service, but paying for the way things are run at this restaurant, so I'm paying her out of an obligation to tip (they don't get paid much hourly and our society is structured around making ends meet for these servers of society by tipping them), and I'm doing it based on how much the restaurant charges me. So I would pay a potentially wonderful waitress at a small family restaurant half what I would pay at this establishment where the service is subpar simply because her family restaurant charges less (less overhead and less entertainment - just better food at a cheaper price) for the same food?

There is obviously something wrong with the way we determine tip...

Do restaurants want to still pay waitresses less and have them perform in the best interest of the customer as well as the restaurant? This is quite possible. But they should set expectations for both customers and servers alike.

When you enter the establishment, either on the front door or within the menu, there is a standard "per person" tip regardless of how much or how little you order. The table at the establishment means more than your coffee alone "no thank you I'm not eating today" to the establishment, and the server still has to serve you as often even if you're having coffee alone; you should be tipping them higher anyway than the standard percentage. And you have the right to pay what everyone else pays for a level of service that the establishment sets. The establishment will be known for having good service or bad, and servers that do not perform at that level do not serve for long. The server is expected to serve at such a pace that the restaurant can turn tables, and thus the restaurant can set baselines for servers as to how much they will make per night based on how many tables they can cover -- the number of tables covered based again on performance. The customers must not be felt rushed nor underserved, as the servers performance is evaluated not only by the restaurant in regards to speed of turning tables, but also by the customer when payment is being made. The customer no longer thinks about how much they will pay, and simply have to determine if the server did an adequate job.

Imagine a table where one person is eating and the other not. In the current state, the server may as well be rude to the person sitting at the table and only drinking water, because that person is not going to tip. The server can ignore this individual all together, not even refilling their water when done, even when requested. The person eating and ultimately paying should be treated with the highest regard. This negates the argument that giving the non-paying person at the table good service is free advertising. The paying customer is the advertising for the level of service you would receive should you upgrade from free user to paying customer.

I may walk into a restaurant and tell the server up front that I am paying $5 for service per person regardless of how much we spend, but also regardless of how good or poor the service is. So if the server finds that we are purchasing more food than $5 covers the 15% or 18% tip we would otherwise leave, they can adjust the level of service to my compensation for that time. I think it also fair for me to say I am only paying $2 as my tip per person even if I spend $100 for my meal if I only want my food brought to me, then left alone until my check is to be delivered. Do not worry about refills or napkins or even to ask if I enjoy my food. Regardless of what you deliver, leave me be until you bring my check, and feel free to bring my check with my meal; I will eat quickly and let you clear this table to make room for someone else, but expect $2 from me. Just because you landed a job at a restaurant that charges more for their food, you have contributed nothing to the ambiance nor the flavor of my experience, so I pay you for what I expect of you...to work $2 for me tonight.